What is love?

What is love?

I have asked this question to myself quite a few times.  when I was at college, I thought love was when you feel butterflies. And to add to my list, few daily soaps and movies at that time gave me many explanations! I used to think maybe elders are right "love will eventually happen after marriage". keeping this in mind I agreed for marriage. 

The first few months and years passed smoothly. Why wouldn't it? people don't show off their real faces so easily, right? we keep believing until their mask falls off at the time of your need. when that happens you are broken, shattered and torn into pieces. what's worse is, when your partner doesn't even realize how rude and harsh, he is! you are blamed for all his indecent behavior and at some point, you start believing them. 

For me, the definition of love changed when I realized that I was in abusive marriage. not physical abuse but emotional abuse. I was being their dump yard on whom they could dump all their past traumas and emotional baggage. I was getting frustrated and at some point, I started hating everyone around me. it used to kill me by inside how they were happy even after hurting me. how could they even sleep after doing such stuff to me? that's where i got my answer.

I came to know that they aren't emotionally invested as I am. I was the one who gave, and they just needed someone to fake it and create an image. they were very keen about keeping their image and sheet clear. while I wasn't like that! I was real and the way I used to react to their abuses too were real. But the world believes what they see isn't it? So, it happened with me too. people were deceived by their sweet appearance, and I was blamed!

I then stopped to react. that's how I fought back. there were so many instances where I wanted to fight them and even kill them! but I controlled myself. they weren't even worth my time and energy. I reached a point where I didn't give a damn about them. it was hard really hard to reach that point. but i did it! because I wanted to live not die for those selfish people. when they are living after making me suffer, why shouldn't I live?

love doesn't have any specific explanation. it's just an emotion which makes you feel complete. it's a feeling which gives you a reason to live. love is beautiful and God blesses only lucky ones with it! 

So, now love for me is nothing. it's just a four-letter word. I know love exists and only lucky people find it. I am not as lucky to have it in life! maybe next time!