Dusty Petals


I feel like my life has become just like a kite. I am flying high but someone has held the string to control me. I want to fly with my own wings but they are clipped by my near and dear ones. 
Why was I handed over to someone who never valued my wings? 
My wings are meant to fly. They are meant to travel to great heights and conquer the world which I had dreamnt.
Sometimes I feel, I was so stupid to think-My life, My wish. But the reality is something else. 
My life but their wish!
My wings but their control!
My dreams but their will!
With each passing day I started to bury myself and a new person started growing. I wasn't familiar with this new person in fact I didn't like but I couldn't help. I was changing for others. I forgot that in this process I am losing my happiness. Now, I am stuck in between two boats. I want to go back to my old self but I couldn't leave my new self behind. It has started haunting me. It has led to many sleepless nights. 
Who I am?
Where is the smile on my lips?
Which world I am living on?
I tried finding answers to these questions. But I didn't have an answer! Why? Because I wasn't myself anymore.
 I was someone else!
I have become a people pleaser!
I have fear!
I had sacrificed my precious thing -'My self respect' to maintain many relations around me. In this process, I forgot that before I was someone's daughter, wife, mother, sister, sister in law, daughter in law - I was a woman. I had to live for myself to keep others alive. I had to love myself to love others. I had to be happy to keep others happy. 

But who cares for my happiness?

I was a flower which once bloomed to spread fragrance.  But, now I am like those dried and dusty petals which lie in between the pages of the book reminding me that you are lost!  Whenever I open that book, I miss that old flower, I miss my old me! 
I now bloom, only to please others.
I now bloom, but my fragrance is taken for granted.
I now bloom, only to lose myself!


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