Behind the dark rooms

Sometimes you don't understand why you are sad. There might not be any reason for your sadness and you cannot be happy either. You feel like something is missing in your life. There comes many questions in your mind and while you try to find answers to those questions you fail miserably. 

I feel like crying out loudly sometimes. Not in front of anyone but alone in my room where no one would see me in such a vulnerable state. Because not all care for your genuinely, some are just happy to see you broken. So, I hide my tears in front of them. I don't want to let them win though I am broken from inside.

There were times when I used to depend on people to get rid of that empty feeling inside me. I used to go on and on about my state of mind. Some gave me advices and some just shut me off. I don't blame them because not all are meant to hear you out. You cannot pour your heart to any random person. It has to be someone special. This is what I learned gradually. So, now whenever someone speaks to me I make sure to hear them out. Sometimes that's all you need. You need someone to just listen.

Depression isn't same for all. Some people are happy souls in the brightness of sun and those same people are the saddest in the darkness of the night.  You never know what each one is going through. It's very easy to judge but you can never put on their shoes and imagine their condition. When I had gone into depression people made fun of me. They told ,she is insane and admit her to a mental asylum. I didn't have a reason to give them that I am normal. I used to cry for hours without reason. I used to be happy sometimes and the next minute I would burst out into tears. When someone asked me the reason, I didn't have anything to tell them. After suffering for a long time finally I came across Deeping padukone's video about depression. I realised that I also felt the same. It took me many days to convince  people around me that I needed medical help and I wasn't mad!

They agreed and when my treatment started I came across many shocking facts about myself. I had buried many deep secrets inside me.

I was angry at the one who bullied me in the school. I didn't react and buried those emotions inside my heart. I was frustrated at this aunt who would nag me in the name of marriage. I didn't react and buried those emotions inside my heart. I hated that uncle of mine who would never leave a chance to come close to me making me uncomfortable. I didn't react and buried those emotions inside my heart. I was compared with my sister whom all thought was quite and decent unlike me who was outspoken and fearless. I didn't react and buried those emotions inside my heart.

Eventually, I came to know that emotions when suppressed can lead to serious issues. I don't suppress my emotions anymore. I say what I feel openly. I have learned to say NO. Which has helped me a lot in many ways. So, this was my story about how I faced depression. I found light after suffering in those dark rooms. I hope this would be helpful for someone.Thank you for reading.